my year of rest and fancy pajamas

enjoying life as it comes

Hello my dear readers! I have missed you all, but I’ve missed obsessively refreshing the view count and subscriber statistics for my most recent post even more. I have no excuse for the lapse in my posts, but I can assure you that I spent my time away from the computer staring at a smaller, hand-held computer in bed and feeling immense distress at all hours of the day. So relaxing!

No disrespect to my fellow authors on this platform, but jumping into the new year with subscription bundles, motivational posts or aspirational nonsense feels like the antithesis of writing. Can we really equate writing on what is the second most popular blog/web platform as something in the realm of “grind culture”? I mean, sure, all storytelling serves a purpose, often times for financial gain, but at it’s core the act of writing is derived from stepping away from the ads and hustle of modern life and reflecting. Taking in a spiritual deep breath and letting out a long, defeated, fucking sigh. I was truly baffled by how quickly we all jumped back into business as usual following the holidays; maybe that’s just the real world, and I still have a lot of growing up left to do.

Unfortunately, I have to begin this post by addressing the elephant in the room: the nepo-baby/buccal fat removal/lobotomy/ozempic/gas lighting discourse that occurred over our brief but eventful break. Which is of course just a new trend of someone addressing what would ordinarily be a pertinent societal issue, and instead spinning it into a meme that becomes so saturated that the culprits and perpetrators are now joking about it. The idea of facing these issues with the truest intentions and well-balanced arguments head-on feels so exhausting. I am defeated. Flaying open the topics would be such low-hanging fruit for my writing anyway, so I’m making the dignified choice and just taking this moment to make two quick statements about it all.

1. If you’re a consistent reader of this blog, congratulations for being one of the few with their finger truly on the pulse. The Nepo-Baby news article had to go through so many hoops to avoid libel and slander, because it was written in a well-known, respected, publication. You all have the divine privilege of reading my uncensored ramblings that I can always claim are parody. My friend Zoe and I were months ahead on the nepotism baby discourse, evidenced by our website (receiving rapid engagement thank you to New York Magazine) that we published some time in mid-October. Which is obviously just parody. At least we offer solutions to the nepotism baby dilemma! Imagine how sad celebrities with poor, regular parents feel when their friends rub it in their faces? I don’t see anyone else setting up donation pages for SNL cast members with regular parents.

2. Listen guys, if you’re getting buccal fat removal to deter people from eating you when the inevitable apocalypse comes, I totally understand. If you’re doing it for any other reason, well I’m sorry to say you might be the idiot here. I can’t believe the reversal of more than just aging, but being a person, is so rampant. Is life even worth living if you spend every day preparing for the next one? Getting surgery today so you can look younger or slimmer, even though it means you will look more ghoulish when you’re older than the oldness you’re trying to avoid? You could spend thousands of dollars a year becoming the next edition cyborg that Vogue magazine wants you to be, or you could be a regular person who is a little gross and dirty and looks old sometimes. Maybe when you are an old person, you will have hunched shoulders and wear ugly orthopedic sandals, but that’s much better, because you got to enjoy life and have little treats with all the money you saved by not visiting Dr. Miami on a bi-monthly basis. Just an idea.

Instead of focusing on my genuine distaste and hatred of the things that modern life has “offered” to us, I’d like to suggest some alternatives that make me feel less like an anthropomorphic figure pretending to be human. Regressing into my middle-school self has been so helpful. Guys, I can’t believe I’m going to say these words on the internet where they can be traced in perpetuity: reading fan-fiction is okay sometimes, and honestly, just provides the universe you’re interested in with more lore and backstory. Have you NEVER run out of content for something you like before? Or even just books based off of books based off of movies? I mean, literally a new fan fiction movie starring Anne Hathaway is being released in the coming year. Or the JLO/Owen Wilson romance that already came out? How about Bullet Train and every other comic book adapted film? Maybe I’m just ahead of the curve. Every spin-off TV show pilot was once a spec script (which is just industry lingo for screenwriting fan fiction). I mean, I’m currently reading the Dale Cooper Twin Peaks fictional autobiography; at least it was written by one of the show’s creators. Regardless, I’m trying to say that being a nerd and liking things that are lame is so much fun and you’re usually a front-runner for something that’s about to become very popular. *cough* Twilight *cough*. More people should be honest about the fact that they have weird hobbies and interests. Why are we all hiding behind our weird habits and quirks? Nothing has improved my mood more than leaning into how embarrassing it is to like puzzles so much that I’m willing to leave the party early to get back to them, or how pretentious I sound when I say I have a subscription to the Criterion Channel. Who cares?? I’ve long ago accepted that I can’t keep my mouth shut for long enough to exude the facade of being aloof and mysterious but the small shreds of coolness and intrigue are being shed too. I’m lame and I’m really happy about it.

Another thing that has helped me cope with the whiplash of being a real adult is inserting small tidbits of luxury into everyday life. Not only has it been so therapeutic, it’s also a cure to the disease of athleisure that has plagued my eyes and other people’s closets since the mid 2010s. Why have we become a society where everyone looks not just disheveled but simultaneously sporty??? I could write a whole thesis paper on how leggings and sports clothing destroyed personal style. Do you know that Parisians never let themselves be seen in athletic wear? They change before and after the gym in the privacy of the locker rooms; it’s a societal faux pas to be out and about in your gym clothes. Now, I’m not trying to set unrealistic expectations that everyone needs to look a certain way, but there’s definitely something in society that has gone astray with the introduction of leggings and sweatpants into regular outfits rather than putting on real clothes. I definitely feel a distinct connection between ease vs effort in our culture. Similar to how Americans are consistently an outlier among other nations in terms of habits like eating on the go instead of sitting down and enjoying a meal.

But seriously, why are we all trying to achieve that work to gym fashion in a way that looks utterly ridiculous? It has the same grip on society as the day-to-night workwear trend, which was something my middle school self found to be an essential pinnacle of fashion. Who approved that? Not everything in life needs to be multi-purpose or a quick fix. Have you not felt the comfort of the perfect pair of jeans? The day other people fall in love with denim will be the day I can finally rest. And beyond fashion outside the house, what about being comfy and luxurious without being ready to run a marathon or survive a nuclear bombing? I beg you all to reconsider! Why not wear a nice matching set of pajamas? Or perhaps your very own honk-shoo mimimimi Ebeneezer Scrooge pinstripe nightgown, with matching handheld candle sconce of course! I promise, feeling cozy and cute in specific loungewear designed for the safety of your cocoon is an upgrade that will change your 5-9 mindset. There is nothing quite like having a cup of sleepy time tea in a set of matching pajamas.

me every evening at approximately 9:45 pm

In continuation with my desire to relax and not overexert myself, I didn’t set any New Year’s Resolution in the typical sense of trying to create a new regimented lifestyle with tangible goals for the hardworking type. In fact, I’ve just done a loose reframing in my mind of how I want to view the world. Below you will find my attempt at documenting those ideas through language rather than feeling:

• Succumb to my cat’s Calypso’s frequent requests to play with the laser more often, even though it is the least enriching toy in my opinion; cats can sometimes become addicted to it…

• Light more candles.

• Continuing the trend of providing my roommates with one sentence of groundbreaking advice every evening before retreating to my room.

• Saying no to events happening past my bedtime.

• Taking out a weekly allowance of cash for little presents for myself (shout out to the combination Culver’s'/Cinnabon that opened on my block, they are unprepared).

• Making both a cup of tea and a cup of coffee on the weekends.

• Accepting that I’m not a skeptic, and that’s okay - taking what people and life bring me at face value.

• Letterboxd and Pinterest revival only!

• Dive headfirst into my lame hobbies and obsessive phases, i.e. finally finish solving Cain’s Jawbone.

• Writing scripts in bed that only make sense to me, never to be shown to the public.

• I’m going to stop fighting with the postal service about my missing packages. I hope they are happy in their new homes.

• Stop feeling bad about being “behind” on journaling, or posting here.

I wish I had more to say this week. But the idea of submitting this post has been so daunting. Maybe it’s because it’s defining my commitment to continue posting in 2023, and forcing me to concede to a clear schedule or concept for what this blog holds. I will say there are a plethora of drafts for content I have prepared that just didn’t feel appropriate for the first post of the year. If it’s any consolation, you guys received almost a thousand words that were all derived and inspired from my this one note on my phone. Talk about building something out of nothing…

I won’t promise to see you all next week, but it will be very soon. Maybe with some more exciting details about why I’ve been MIA for the last month (if I am allowed to share them).